no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
