if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
