I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
