i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
