Soap is not a condiment
it wasn't lemon gatorade
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
