Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
