cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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