remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
