He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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