I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
