There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
