I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
