erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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