so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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