You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
