I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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