Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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