So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
