Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
