I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
