I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I am available for nakedness
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
