I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
