i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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