After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
