I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
