I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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