every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
