My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
