I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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