I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
