bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
