Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
