Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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