I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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