Are we in a gay sports bar?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
