He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
why do cheetos always look like penises
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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