I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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