Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
