My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
