How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
