Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Randomize
