Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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