How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
