She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
