I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Randomize
