she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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