quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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