Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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