I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
