Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
