I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
