and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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