I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He? As in you personified your dick?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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